Have long since we last chatted, i mean really talk..
I can imagine, surely you're grumbling right now, because once again i "how are you?"..
It's past midnight here, outside the rain is very heavy.. When the rain is usually the most nice thing to do is sleep, but somehow lately im hard to sleep.. So here is me now, writing a letter to a friend..
Just now i look at our photos, there is bring back old memories.. I realize, we have been friends for a long time.. Dear Clover, i know our friendship is very complicated.. Do you know a shorm, lately i so scared.. Im afraid the ship that exists between us will fade under over time.. Whether you realize it or not, you're treating me like before you treat him.. Now i realized, why back there i was defending him.. I think because i was really scared, im afraid the same thing will happen to me someday..
I know this is hard.. It is difficult to maintain long distance friendship, because there are sometimes the distance and the presence can be heavy trials.. If you're happy, i was not there to share laughs and hapiness, and when you're sad or upset, I couldnt be there to share your burden.. How hard i try, how nice the words that i sent, not to replace the presence which you expect.. We also have a different activity, when you're free maybe im busy or can not stay online with you, and vice versa .. No wonder we always fight, no wonder you become bored and fed up with all this.. In the end, all my actions even more and makes you annoyed.. Especially once you've experienced things like this..
Every day i always convince myself, "1 year is not long time.. Be patient, january will soon come.." But still some doubt in my heart, "What if it the time comes, all is just too late?" Im afraid if we meet again later, im just going to be a wound in your heart, im just going to be a reason for your absence, or the cause of your bad mood.. I do not want that to happen.. The distance between us is widening, bridge that was warm, now feels so cold.. I tried to reach you, but it seems you're always turning away from me, either because you cant hear my voice, or because my effort is not enough, or because you're avoiding me..
I realized, you were get hurt because it is always left out.. Path i travel now, is my decision..
But Clover...
Did you know? I dare to take this decision was because of the courage that you give me.. I want to learn to become a better man, for me, and also for you my friend..
Clover, you know i always miss you.. When i feel down, just simply imagined your smile, remembering that someone are waiting for my return, this is make me ease and always do my best here.. But lately every i remember you this heart feel sad, there are doubts in the heart.. Is i choose the right path? Should I separated from my best friend? Long long distance.. Im sorry to disappoint you, im sorry that remind your old wounds, im sorry always makes you angry, annoyed, and sad..
Yeah, i know this is my life, i should be focusing on my behalf.. I determine that my road travel, but I also, dont want people i love sad because of me..
Although we are far apart, believe that i never leave you, in my heart there is always space for your.. I'll always be here with this umbrella, when the rain hit, or the sun shines hot, when you need me you know im always there for you, maybe what i give right now is not exactly what you want, but Clover, believe me.. Believe me, i tried very hard at it, i always hoped someday i could give more than what you want..
I've changed, you changed, time and conditions have changed us.. But i believe, in our heart are still the same .. I'll wait, and try to get back like old times, where i was the reason of your smile.. with all these changes, with the remnants of our memories ..
So clover, how are you?
I hope you are happy there..
your friend,
Dandelion.
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